Yes, I enjoyed “molesting”
my victims. But, the rape was harder for me to enjoy, so much that I
only actually succeeded in really raping just one of the children I
kidnapped and murdered. And I had to concentrate to stay hard enough
to do it because I did not enjoy hurting the child I was raping. I
only did it because I felt I had to in order to invoke the justice I
felt I was entitled to; justice that I thought would restore my own
personal sense of “rightness” in the world.
I hated the killing worst
of all. And I wouldn't have done any of it, not even the molesting,
for pleasure alone. There are too many other things in life I enjoy
more than molesting children, both sexual things and non-sexual
things, like scuba diving, skiing, or even just riding my mountain
bike when I'm in the mood for some exercise. And I don't take
pleasure in violence at all. (I)
Notes:
(I) I don't think I'm
special or even different than other people who kill, or even those
who kill for pleasure. I may be a little more conscious of my
motives, but that's all. I killed for the same ultimate reason that
we all kill: because I thought that killing was the only solution I
had to a critical problem. I was sorely mistaken.
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