"You said you could not have committed your crimes without [societal influence]. What did you mean? Please elaborate." --- K.B. of TN

No man is an island, and no rapist or murderer ever acts alone. Just as it takes a village to raise a child, it takes a network of connected beliefs, fears, prejudice, and ignorance to create a "monster". The most relevant and clear example of this is the belief I held when I killed that I had a "right" to do so. I could not have killed anyone without this "belief" which became my rationalization for acting against my "better nature". And my belief that I had the right to kill was the direct adoption of society's consensual belief that it has the right to kill.

The only thing that amazes me about this concept (that no one acts alone), is the way so many people pretend to understand it when the result is presumed positive (e.g. when "it takes a village to raise a child) and yet then they completely reject it when the result is negative and hence reflects upon their own beliefs, fears and ignorance. The example I gave above where I believed I had the right to kill (and incidentally to judge and condemn in the name of "justice") is only one piece of the complex intellectual connection I had to the society that "raised" me that was critical to the inevitable outcome of my raping and murdering children. So if you pick it apart with other inept rationalizations (such as, "society has the right to judge, but not you", which ignores common sense and invokes nothing more than the same "gang mentality" that the Nazis and so many others used), then you are not only missing the point, but actively illustrating the precise type of learned ignorance that led to my own demise.

The intellectual "problems" with my thinking did not just "happen" independent of my experience with society. It happened as a direct result of that "experience". And until we (all) start accepting this and acting accordingly (by changing the structure of society's "thinking" rather than continuing the madness of "blaming" individuals for their thinking and behavior) then said madness (e.g. the rape and murder of children) will continue. I have insisted since my arrest in 2005 that it would have been better if someone simply put a bullet in my head and threw my body in a dumpster behind that Denny's where I was found with the little girl. Even if I was completely "innocent" of any "wrong-doing", killing me would have been better than making a big show out of judging and condemning me and calling it "justice". Because, by putting on such a show, we are telling our children, "smoking is bad for you!", even as we force them to breathe the poisonous smoke we inhale.

(Note: Everything I am trying to say here is backed by research and history. So rather than judge it by its source, as coming from a "child killer", why not find out for yourself if it is true? Because if it is true, and you continue to ignore it, then you are the "sicko", not me.)

[J.D. February 2, 2017]

"I understand and agree with your belief that we are all collectively and individually responsible for our actions, but you said [the difference is critical], and I don't understand what you mean. Can you clarify?" --- K.B. of TN

The "critical difference" I was referring to was between "taking responsibility" and "assigning blame". I don't see any difference between "individual" and "collective" responsibility. You cannot be "individually responsible" or "collectively responsible" without being both at the same time. They are essentially the same thing. In fact, you could (correctly) say that the difference between responsibility and blame is that one recognizes the unification of individual and collective responsibility, while the other (blame) attempts to separate them. And this difference is "critical", because when we fail to connect individual responsibility with its collective counterpart, we end up creating a justification (or "excuse") for completely irresponsible behavior --- and that's exactly what blame does!

For example, if I say, "You hurt me", without recognizing that I chose to be hurt also, then I create an illusion of fault that keeps me and the other person from being able to prevent the hurt from happening again; and it thus most likely will happen again. I prevent myself from changing by placing "blame" on the other person, and I prevent the other person from wanting to change by not accepting my own responsibility, which only encourages them to blame me (because they can usually see your part better than their own also).

This plays out in criminal cases all the time as well. The rapist thinks, "She shouldn't have teased me by wearing those shoes", or the car thief thinks, "They shouldn't have left the keys in the car". There are as many criminals who blame the victims as there are victims who blame the criminals. And all the "Criminal Justice System" does by assigning "official" blame on the criminal is strengthen and solidify the blaming process and its consequences (i.e. more crime), much to the clear benefit of those who work for the System.

I have mentioned elsewhere in this blog that it is a well known fact that most "criminals" believe they have been unfairly convicted. And the "Justice System" routinely uses this as an excuse to "punish" criminals even more (e.g. they give longer sentences and harsher punishments to those who don't "accept responsibility" for their actions --- in other words, those who don't accept the blame as an individual). And thus the "System" propagates the very ignorance that ensures its own survival; no surprise there. It creates the very "criminal mentality" that it purports to be so against by blaming and punishing individuals without recognizing or acknowledging its own responsibility for what so-called "bad guys" do. The "Justice System" could not exist at all without this rift in responsibility. Without anyone to blame, there'd be no one to punish; and maybe we could start working on the real reasons people end up hurting each other for a change...

(J.D. February 2, 2017)  

"When did your sexual confusion turn violent? Was there always an interest in sexual violence, or did a specific incident spur it?" --- K.B. of TN

I have tried to provide the answer to this question in the "Confession"-section of this blog (more specifically, see "What Happened In Prison - Part III: The Transition" posted on March 4, 2012). But, I realize that is a lot to sort through, so I'll provide a "short answer" here.

Yes. In 1989 (or thereabouts) when the ISRB (a.k.a. "Parole Board") added several years to my already exceptional sentence, not for any reason (e.g. disciplinary, etc.) except because they "felt" (contrary to the psychological report they were provided and the voluntary testimony of a tenured psychologist at the parole hearing) that I was at "high risk to re-offend". I had previously been found "paroleable" by order of a state court, and now the ISRB had taken that away from me for what I considered a "made up" reason that was completely unsupportable by any facts other than the political hype against "sex offender recidivism rates". I remember very clearly at that point in my life, realizing that no matter what I did (or didn't do) and no matter how hard I tried to "heal" myself (I had put a lot of effort into preparing to "do well" when I got out, which the ISRB just ignored --- see the "In Prison" post mentioned above for more details), that I would be punished (and was in fact being punished) not for what I did, but for what I MIGHT do!

It was at this point that for the first time I began fantasizing about and planning for the day that I would "make them pay". If I was to be punished for future crimes, then I would make sure those crimes fit or exceeded the punishment. And that's exactly what I did. This desire for "justice" became so ingrained that after I got out on parole (several years later --- see "What Happened In Prison - Part VI: The Streets" posted on September 19, 2014) and no longer felt the "desire" for revenge, I carried out my plans regardless, out of "respect" for my past self (when I was in prison, I knew that I would lose the "desire" for vengeance after I got out, and could no longer directly feel the "pain" of what "they" took from me, so I made a kind of "pact" and promise to myself that no matter how "well" I was doing, I would never forget the pain and suffering "they" caused me, and I would carry through with my plans to "make them pay"; and I reinforced this oath many times over the years, most notably when Westley Allan Dodd was executed on January 5, 1993 --- see "What Happened In Prison - Part IV: The Queen" posted on March 29, 2012).

I do not like violence, and I was violent only because I felt I needed to be in order to exact my "revenge". I think it is a huge mistake to assume that violence is something "caused". Violence is a force of life that has no more "cause" than gravity. So it might help to think of what happened back in 1989, when the ISRB extended my sentence without reason, as a situation where my reasons for not being violent --- the "stem" that connected me to a branch in the "tree" --- was cut off, and I "fell", or simply experienced the "force of gravity" (violence) that had been acting on me all along. The ISRB did not "cause" me to be violent any more than they "cause" gravity. All they did was cut me from the tree, something "they" are very good at doing with no regard for where the ones they cut free might fall. (And by "they" I mean anyone who thinks separating the "bad apples" from the "good apples" is a "good" idea, without stopping to consider where the "bad apples" might "fall".)

[J.D. January 30, 2017] 

"Is there [anything] you would like to tell your father?" --- M.E. of Germany

There is lots I would like to tell my father, but little I think he would understand. If there were only one thing that I could make him understand, it would be that I am his son. And, I would like him to understand what that means (i.e. that I am an extension of him that he cannot get away from).

It would also be nice if I could make him understand that I am a man, no more and no less than he is or ever was.

[J.D. February 3, 2017]